Monday, 4 June 2012

Boring as hell

Whilst some programs are not particularly well choreographed at all, there are some that having seen other failed programs decide to put little or no choreography at all in and hope the music does the job for them. Programs such as these;

Mirai Nagasu 2011 Skate Canada- Long Program
This program to me, tells the story of an old woman with her zimmer frame racing her friend Betty at a snails pace for the last box of all fibre cereal. This is incidentally what Lori Nichol must have eaten before shitting out this god-awful program. I mean Mirai crawls across the ice with the energy that one would expect if Frank Carroll would give if he was skating it himself! I miss the spark and attack she used to have, but this really makes me lose any will to live she gave me during the Olympics.

Rachael Flatt 2011 Worlds- Long Program                                                
Dear god, this was a classic Lori Nichol fail. I mean the only real choreography was an embarrassing "silly jazz movements with pursed lips" thing. It didn't help that she died halfway through this, although to be fair I'm pretty sure a part of me died with her whilst watching this crap.

Alena Leonova 2012 Worlds-Long Program
As if Russia hadn't committed enough human rights violations. This program is straight from the Morozov bible of bad programs to the point of being able to count it as a weapon of mass destruction. Plus her makeup is a disaster. It literally saps everyone of any energy they had, even Alena Leonova, you can tell due to the literal standstill she reaches at the end of her step sequence, or is that just her? Anyway that step sequence is one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen. It reminds me of a bird defending its young with all its flapping. Her reaction to her performance is akin to that of Sarah Meier at the 2011 European Championships with the only minor difference being Sarah skated well. 

Adelina Sotnikova 2012 Junior Worlds- Long Program
 This program is another Tarasova for the bin one, it has no choreography going on at all other then at the start and end. If this program's story was meant to be that of a woman in love(it probably was something like that), watching this program I'd assume it was a corpse couple. The frustrating part is the skating skills were decent and some of the elements fantastic, but this program not only leaves me cold but also leaves me without much of my faith in humanity.

Florent Amodio 2012 Worlds- Short Program
God I remember when watching his programs was embarrassingly fun, now they put me to sleep better then any morphine could. And again it's so frustrating as his skating skills are really good. But still there is no excuse for this travesty. 

Wow I only included two Morozov programs. That was unexpected, I can think of more but these are without a doubt some of the most boring skates I have ever seen.


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